I don’t care about being on time.
I know. You’re cringing. Especially if you’ve ever waited for me at a meeting, a movie, a subway/El station, at a coffee place, at a brunch spot, or any of the numerous places to which I fail to make the designated meeting time.
I’m never on time.
My lateness isn’t egregious, but it’s not great. It ranges from 7-15 minutes, on average, and it is persistent. It bothers the hell out of my mom, my boyfriend, my business school groups, and my friends who throw dinner parties.
But I should qualify.
My friend Janvi pointed out that I do care about being on time to some things, like interviews, the theatre, and weddings. Mostly these are things to which it would be extremely disruptive to show up late. (The only exception to this is class, where I am a frequent latecomer.)
Here’s the weird thing.
I actually do think I care quite a bit about being on time. I hate rushing. Hate hate hate it. But my argument is that if I actually cared, I would plan better, start getting ready sooner, and leave earlier. Right?
I don’t know where this comes from. My family members are a bunch of fairly prompt folks, and so are my friends. So what’s wrong with me? I don’t know. I think I just don’t care that much. Or maybe being late means I never have to wait for anyone. (Which I realize is extremely hypocritical.)
Does anyone else have this problem?
This is something I’ve had to think about a lot recently, being in a relationship with a southern gentleman who, being southern, emphatically does not care about being on time. This fact causes a good deal of friction in our otherwise blissful relationship. But it has lead me to discover two related things on this topic:
1) I very much care about being on time myself. That is not the discovery – that part is obvious. What I have learned is that I care more about this than I do about other people being on time. In other words, being late myself makes me exceptionally anxious. And “blaming it on” my partner does not make me feel better. I am certain this is traceable to my father.
2) However, when it comes to other people being on time, I have discovered that I care much more about NOTICE than I do about promptness. In other words, lateness does not bother me so much as long as you let me know you’re going to be late. Text/call/email, whatever. If you know you’re going to be late and do not communicate that fact to me, I get annoyed. If you do communicate it, I don’t really care.
And so this is the important question for you Jenn – do you care if other people are late to meet you?
Becca,
That is a very thoughtful and nuanced analysis of the issue of lateness and I am impressed that you are able to differentiate between your feelings about your own lateness and the lateness of others. Unfortunately, I cannot say that I have the same opinion.
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE LATE!! I don’t care what your reason, or if you tell me in advance (assuming “in advance” doesn’t mean, like, the day before). I don’t care if you are only 5 minutes late. I don’t like waiting. Get it together and get there on time. And I definitely get anxious when I myself am going to be even a few minutes late. I have no idea where this comes from. Maybe from being friends with Dixie.
On the other hand, Jenn, I’ve never noticed that you have a habit of being late.
However, I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THIS IT’S CRAZY!
Maybe more than voting.
I care, show up on time.
Becca, you pose an excellent question.
While I don’t have a ton of experience with waiting for folks (as Sanay pointed out, because I am usually the late one), I do not much mind if people are late.
Like you, I prefer notice, but that’s only because I have a very active, and morbid imagination.
But otherwise, lateness doesn’t much matter to me from other people.
Sorry, Meredith.
I agree with everyone! I don’t really like it when people are late (less than 10 mins I don’t care about), but I dislike being late even more (I also HATE rushing). I am, however, more tolerant towards people who are chronically late because if I can assume they’re going to be late I plan accordingly and arrive late (or, should I say, on time) too. If you’re gonna be more than 5-10 mins late, I appreciate a text or a call.
Having said this, I must finally agree with Meredith and say that I’ve never thought of you Jenn as someone who is often late.
I too have this problem. And I blame the fact that I grew up literally across the street from my high school. So, while all of my peers were learning about traveling time to and from things to school, I just assumed when the time I left for something was the time I would arrive at my next obligation. For some reason, this still happens today. I KNOW that it does not take me 3 minutes to get from Jacobs to SPAC but yet I can not budget in enough time to get there when I am supposed to.
Its a problem. I share your pain JY!!
I SO have this issue! Well said wise KWEST leader… I THINK I care about being late, and I KNOW it’s rude to keep people waiting, and I also HATE to rush. Yet, I cannot for the life of me, get out the door on time on a regular basis. Which I guess means that I don’t really care. Annnd, now I feel bad about myself…
I care deeply about this – I won’t act like I’m never late, but MAN do I care about it. I HATE being late myself- and I really don’t like it when other people are late.
Saying you don’t care about being late is the same as saying that you consider your time more important than anyone else’s. BOOM! It is true. No excuses.
Also – texting to tell me that you are late, doesn’t excuse being late. I find that a real downside of cell phones – because we can call each other and say “I’m running late” I think makes people feel like they don’t have to be on time. You do. You do have to be on time.
Also – seriously, if you ever walk into a morning meeting late with coffee in your hand, I will grab it and pour it on your lap.
See what I mean about being friends with Dixie?
Okay Dixie’s post is sooo damn funny I just had to post. Nice work there. While I agree with it all in principle and will use the “coffee trick” in the future, I am not as strict with others. I am mostly on time and will let people know if not. I am okay with others being 5-10 tardy or letting me know. Also, with consistenly late people I just tell them an earlier time than the others…helps a bit.